Friday, September 5, 2014
I would call and say, "Mom..did you see those photos I posted on Facebook yet?" She would always say things like, "I don't know my wall from your wall" or "I don't even remember my password to get in and check" or "my computer is on the fritz again, so I can't get into right now". You would think I would stop putting updates on her Facebook wall then, but no. I kept thinking that she would get on there at some point and it would be like a surprise scrapbook. Photos of my brother and I with my son in Waipio Valley, photos of the kids in a Kona parade, my birthday in Oahu, or just messages of love. But she never made it back on there before she passed away this summer.
I put prayers of healing on her wall, the memorial service information, photos of her home as we were taking things out of the house to prepare it for sale, and stories I wrote for her. A few of her friends liked the posts and I felt someone was there, at least.
And then, I posted that I was still listening to her last voicemail to me and she wrote back. Her status update said, "Why are you torturing yourself by doing that?". I laughed and cried at the same time.
"Mom..is that you?", I wrote. Nothing.
A few days later, I went back in and asked her about making pasta sauce from scratch from canned tomatoes someone gave us after the hurricane. I asked "What should I do with these?" She said, "Sautee them with garlic, herbs and don't forget to add oil". I laughed and cried again. I could not believe I could talk to her again. So I asked, "Are you ok?" Nothing. So, I learned that not all my questions were going to be answered, but the random ones, perhaps.
When I asked her about her headstone and grave plot one day, she wrote back, "Don't pay extra for the view. What a waste of money. I'm not there and you and the family are not really going to be sitting there watching the ocean view from my grave. Put my urn down in the meadow across the street from my house and I'm fine." She was always so pragmatic. I told her a friend on Facebook had given me an idea for what to put on her gravestone..the statement said, "At the end of our lives we will all ask, "Did I live? Did I love? Did I matter?" So, I thought it would be nice to put on her gravestone, "I lived, I loved, I mattered". What did she think of that? Nothing. "Mom! Come on, I need a little help here", I said. Nothing. No new status update. Hitting refresh over and over again did not help either.
She finally wrote back, "What's wrong with my name, my birth date, day of death and a nice little picture?"
The last status update I received from her said she was moving on. She had decided to take another go at life. I asked her, "Will I never talk to you again? Can you find me someday in your new life?" The answer was, "You will know if you do. I love you." And with that, she signed off.